Be A Doorknob

Many years ago, a woman I knew was often heard to be saying “Be encouraged!” It was usually said cheerfully in passing, but without qualification. There was no explanation of what one should be encouraged about or how one might become encouraged.

I felt it was as pointless as saying to someone “Be a chef!” or “Be a doorknob!”, because if someone were to say something like that to me, I would want to know why – why be a chef? Is it because you’ve sampled my cooking and you think it’s delicious? Or have you seen how competently I can manage feeding large numbers of people? Or have you noticed a creativity in me that you think would best find its expression in food? Or is it that you just think I’d look good in a chef’s outfit?

When I see the word ‘encourage’ I think of it as ‘to endue with courage’, so if we’re wanting to encourage someone, we are really wanting to endue them with courage. Just telling someone to be encouraged without also equipping them or giving them some idea as to how they might do so, seems rather pointless and thoughtless. It’s great if we’ve taken enough notice to see someone needs encouragement, but just saying ‘be encouraged’ as we wave them off is probably more about making ourselves feel better than it is about actually ministering to that person’s need.

Offering true encouragement is a selfless act, and it helps if we have empathy, compassion and understanding. If we truly wish to encourage someone, then we must help them to see how they can take courage and where they can find it from.

Encouraging someone is more than just offering superficial praise. Our positive words need to be genuine, and not motivated by self pity at our own sense of lack or inadequacy, or deliberately shared in front of others to make us look good. We need to delve a little deeper to help people see what is valued within them. Telling someone you think they are a good singer is nice, but it’s little different to being told someone likes the dress you’re wearing. What enriches us is when someone says they really appreciate what we do because ….

It’s the because that speaks to the deep places within us. The fact is that most of us are largely unaware of the better qualities or positive capacities we each possess, and those at which we might even excel. In our relationships with others, we don’t generally tend to comment on what those intangible qualities or capacities are, even though something within us will have recognised or responded to them. I think we mostly assume that the person already knows, so we may not consciously identify those qualities, even though we may have benefitted from them.

If we are in need of encouragement, then we might find it pleasantly surprising to discover that others have not only noticed something good within us, but may actually admire those positive qualities or capacities. Helping someone to see those qualities within themselves is a great source of encouragement for them. Why wait until you’re at someone’s funeral to talk about all that was praiseworthy within them – when it’s too late to do them any good? If we want to encourage someone, then perhaps we might take a little time to actually acknowledge those good things within them, or to tell them how those good things have worked for good in our own lives.

Encouraging people is meant to inspire hope within them; hope that they have what it takes to overcome or endure through difficulties, and hope that they are truly someone of worth and value. An encouraging word (or two) can magnify exponentially the good it can produce in someone’s life.  If you want to encourage someone, help them to see the good in themselves so they can take courage in what they already have, and find hope for what they have yet to achieve or accomplish.

Let’s be diligent to look for the good that we can encourage in others rather than self righteously tut-tutting about what is not as good. Then watch what happens – to them and to you. If it is the goodness of God that leads men to repentance (Rom 2:4), and the message of hope and good news that we carry as ministers of reconciliation, then let’s try not to be a doorknob. Instead let us reflect that goodness in our words, actions and attitudes, and take every opportunity we can to endue courage and inspire hope within others.