Frank & Direct

I have often been told that I am frank or direct, and that I do not pull punches. Mostly this is just after I have said something that seemed plainly obvious to me, but apparently was not something others necessarily appreciated hearing or were willing to say. That may be because once it’s been said, there is no longer the option of pretending it isn’t true.

In the book of Proverbs it says:

To me that means not pulling punches in the mistaken belief you are sparing someone. We often kid ourselves into not speaking up because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but I suspect that more often than not it is our own feelings that we want to spare. It isn’t so comfortable to say to someone’s face the things we are usually happy to discuss behind their backs.

But, if we are to be the true expression of God’s love to others and we do not speak the truth when the opportunity arises, then we may be consigning someone we care about to further suffering. Or failing to prevent them from causing suffering to others. In reality, staying quiet is effectively keeping our love a secret. It’s hardly an expression of love to watch someone struggle repeatedly but never speak a gentle word of truth that might alleviate their difficulties.

Sometimes the truth we want to hear is not the same as the truth we desperately need to hear. So even if that truth ends up feeling kind of like a verbal slap across the face, it may be what we needed to help us to see a situation differently. If we stay silent because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, offending someone or being rejected ourselves, then who is it we are really loving? If truth is spoken from a true concern for someone’s welfare without judgement, and it is spoken with respect and love, that may be the catalyst God can use for good in our lives.

Open rebuke does not, however, give us licence to go around wielding an emotional sledgehammer or verbally smacking people down. Nor do I think open rebuke necessarily means it should be public. Christians in particular seem quite adept at using the ‘speaking the truth in love’ scripture to basically express their own self-righteous opinion when someone fails to conform to their own particular standards. And how often do we convince ourselves that we are exemplifying Christ’s unconditional love when in reality all we are doing is practising tolerance and a false grace? How hypocritical have we become when we seem to be so easily offended by the truth we are happy to preach at others? And how often would we rather cling to a lie than deal with the potentially unpleasant consequences of believing the truth?  I have observed that most people would rather live with the elephant in the room than face it. So let me issue this warning:

I am inclined to an intolerance of deliberate ignorance (with the exception of how internal combustion engines work), and I don’t much appreciate pretentious, arrogant, opinionated or superficial people. What you see is what you get with me. Apparently, I have a dry sense of humour. I talk about God because he is the most important person in my life, and sometimes I use big words because I like them. As I am often unaware of when I am being frank or direct, it’s entirely possible that I may say something that gets up your nose. You don’t have to agree with me, but I hope you will take the time to search out a matter before deciding. If you are someone that tends to be easily upset or offended then I respectfully suggest you navigate away from this page now, but if you choose to continue then consider yourself duly warned, and proceed at your own peril (!).